Gaining perseverance can be brutal. Having to keep going despite difficulty and delay is not something we are eager to experience. You can only have perseverance after you have gone through the refining fires of disappointment and discouragement. Waiting, praying, working, hoping, and crying brought my wife and I to the moment in Ethiopia when we first laid eyes on him and he first laid his head on our shoulders.
I think I must picture things in slow motion, at least the big moments of life, because they always happen so much faster than I imagine they will. When we arrived at his orphanage after about 30 hours of traveling, they brought us to the orphanage office. I didn't know what the plan was, how long we would wait, or who would play the victorious music as he and I ran toward each other. It was all very confusing. But then, before I could even ask what was going on, he was there! In the doorway, being held by his favorite nanny, was the answer to my prayers. When I saw him, I felt almost star struck. I had talked about him for so long and looked at his pictures so many times that he almost took on this bigger than life place in my mind. But he wasn’t bigger than life. He was little, beautiful ruggedly handsome, and tired. Sear held him, and I went full dad mode shooting videos. If it had been the 80s, I would have had a big VHS recorder on my shoulder, giving full commentary and telling everyone to wave to the camera. Instead, I took pictures and video with the GoPro and gave full commentary and told everyone to wave to the camera.
As he sat in his mom’s lap, one big tear formed in his left eye and rolled down his cheek. It wasn't just a signal of natural fear; it was a symbol of natural courage. He had every right to bawl and wail. New people, new room he’d never been in, and the largest person he’d ever seen pointing a camera in his face shouting at him in a language he didn’t speak. You could sense the fear was there but it didn't own him. He was calm, looked around the room, and leaned into his new mom for cuddles. I knew right there that he was brave, strong and courageous, and I was in love.
When Sear looked up at me and asked if I wanted to hold him, I was nervous. I thought being handed over to the big, white bear of a man would finally make him break. I grabbed him, his bottom lip quivered, but no tear came. Instead, we just looked at each other and I could see my reflection in his big brown eyes. I could tell he was analyzing me because he looked me right in the eye and furrowed his brow. In that moment, every insecurity I have rushed to the forefront of my mind. I thought surely he would push me away, reach for someone else, reject me until he was a little older. In those three long seconds, I never wanted someone to love me so much, but felt so sure that he wouldn't. And then, he put his head on my chest and nuzzled me just a little... almost as if to comfort my fears; to give me just a little bit of the courage he had in such abundance. I will be telling people about that moment in Heaven, long into eternity. It's not just engraved in my mind, it's embossed in my heart.
Gaining perseverance is really hard. To even have the chance to persevere it means you aren’t getting what you want for long periods of time and that’s not fun. It’s worth it though. When you stick it out and keep praying despite your doubts and fears you not only see God’s answer, you also see God more clearly. Don’t give up on God too early and miss what He has for you because the only thing harder than waiting on God, is wishing you had.
--Patrick Frost
Middle School Youth Pastor
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